


About Normalcy and Hiding In Plain Sight

by TalandeAnka



Category: Mahou Sensei Negima!
Genre: Angst, Conversations, Gen, Loneliness, Reclusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 15:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalandeAnka/pseuds/TalandeAnka
Summary: Hasegawa Chisame finally got the normal life she always seemed to crave. Living as a recluse in a small apartment, she keeps with her role as an advisor for ISSDA, but tries to keep old feelings and even older memories at bay. But an unexpected guest comes by bringing the last straw.





	About Normalcy and Hiding In Plain Sight

There was some small hassles when it comes to rent a small apartment in Tokyo. Old buildings and loud neighbors apart, you would still have to deal with a lot of humidity and lack of sunlight, because the cheapest apartments were located in those overcrowded spaces, where the buildings seemed to fight for space, like they’ve sprouted from the ground and were now attempting to reach for the friendly skies. Last thing you know, you’ve rented a home sweet home that had windows just for decorative purposes, since if you were to stick your head outside the aforementioned window you would probably bump it into the wall of the building next door. It was kind of sad in a way, but the rent was cheaper and saving some money was never a bad idea.  
  
In that particular afternoon, she had her blackout curtains all closed. It was sunny outside and that weather was perfect to slam that old window open and let some fresh air inside. She knew it was the healthy and right thing to do, but damn, all that light and all that external sound would just ruin her focus. The only light allowed inside was the constant flickering of the screens. The only sound was the soothing hum of fans and hard drives working. There were three desktop computers working on top of a bench she purchased online envisioning it as a workstation just like that internet demi-celebrity had and it was oh-so-cute-and-organized. It ended up like a mess, actually, but it worked so what the hell. The workstation (yeah, let’s call it a workstation, why not) had the three computers plus all its peripherals that were crammed among dirty plates and boxes from a few local delivery restaurants. All the monitors – two for each desktop – were bolted to the wall in such arrangement that made Chisame really proud of herself, almost as proud as she was about not have accidentally strangled herself installing all the cables and cords and whatnots that were necessary to keep all the paraphernalia running. Anyway, she was sitting in bed watching her screens displaying its processes results in form of a never-ending computer mumble-jumble language. Her neck was a bit sore for being positioned in an uncomfortable manner against the cold wall, but she didn’t care for grabbing a pillow or something that could’ve softened the contact. She straightened the rounded glasses on her face and kept looking mindlessly to the screens. Beside her was an old laptop she used to bore herself to sleep at unorthodoxly hours of the day. It was a really old model, an ancient machine she had purchased still in her school days, but from which she could never ever part.  
  
She was wearing an old pair of sweatpants and a red t-shirt a few numbers larger than necessary. The best part of not going outside is not having to care for what you wear. Well… sometimes she could be a little self-conscious about it, if truth was to be told, but nine-times-out-of-ten in which she was seen by anyone else it was the delivery guy and he cared only for doing his job and getting out of the building as quick as possible. A simple man with a simple task, indeed. Chisame, sometimes, mused about the possibility of him telling his friends or colleagues or anyone who hangs around with the delivery guy, that in that particular building lived a chick with little to no regard at all for fashionable clothes or getting exposed to sunlight or getting a properly cooked meal. But, hey, it’s really no use thinking about the people who lived outside of the apartment, right? The delivery guy could never fully grasp what she was doing. He could never fully grasp what she had went through in – what seemed like – a really distant past. She was now 23 years old and graduated from Mahora University in computer science and engineering, which seemed at the time a real stereotypical and uninspired choice for a career, but it was a super easy course that she could have done with her eyes closed. In the end, it was all about the graduation and the certificate, right? The end of all her educational duties. No more school of any kind could only mean no more need to not be indoors. Since then, Chisame had lived by herself in three different apartments but she could not really remember the other two well… guess they all were kind of the same and she left the first for the second and the second for this third just because contracts are a pain in the ass and landlords could get a little greedy overtime. Money was a nuisance as well but she managed it, somehow. Her degree allowed her to work as an online security consultant and lately this kind of work was so in vogue that was almost easy money. Sadly, some companies demanded that she worked in their facilities and supervised physical installations and some other minutia that definitely weren’t her cup of tea. In cases like that, she would just turn down the work prospect and look for another one she could do from home. Of course, there was also that important side project she was always monitoring but she would never accept money from them, let alone demand it. Her reports were sent in an almost daily basis and, as far as she was concerned, her advices were being welcomed and implemented in a strict fashion. In exchange for her services, one could say she was left alone to her own business. It took some long time, but her former colleagues learned that she was meant to be on her own. Not that she minded the occasional e-mail or reunion, but getting exposed for too long to those happy-go-lucky girls could get on Chisame’s nerves in a different way that it did when they all studied together. Now, at every damn reunion, she would receive the same looks and would catch in the distance some of them giggling annoyingly while looking at her. They were just a handful bunch and Chisame felt way relieved when she could be back on her routine, obsessing with TV shows and people talking nonsense online, while watching prompts flickering on a LED screen.  
  
The struggle of her neck against the wall became unsustainable after some time. Chisame let herself slide and fell on her side, bouncing softly on the mattress. The glasses jumped from her face, bounced themselves and, with a sonorous “shit” from their owner, fell beside the bed. Startled, she reached for the side of the bed and started feeling for her glasses… that would be the third or fourth pair she broke in the last year. While Chisame thought about the excruciating journey she would have to endure to have a new pair made, she touched something that felt like a thick piece of paper. Right beside it, there were the glasses. Curious about the paper to the same extent she was curious about the damage on the glasses, she hooked both with her fingers and pulled them up. In her pinky were the glasses, intact, and between her middle and index fingers she saw her Pactio Card, covered in a mild layer of dust. She couldn’t really picture how the card ended up under the bed or how long had it been there, but it was no place for her card to be. The house was a mess, of course, but maybe she could find a book or something like that for the card to be accommodated in. Some place that was respectable and, at the same time, that kept the card away from her sights. She swept the dust off with her finger and took a long look at the image of a fourteen years old herself in a full-on cosplay displayed above the Latinized form of her name. Hard to believe it has been, like, ten years since the Pactio. There was a time in which Chisame couldn’t see herself taking a single step without her card, but now it felt like an oddity from another life. Truth to be told – again – the paradigms of her life were always in a shifting mood, a kind of constant motion. And she craved that old normalcy so fucking bad. She was never an “ignorance is bliss” kind of person, but before having the curtains of truth opened before her very eyes, she had a routine so pleasant that she could even give herself the luxury of a double life. Everything went smoothly, like clockwork. But then the magic teacher was too real to deny and, in the eye of the tornado, she showed she had a way into adapting to new circumstances. And, in a blink of an eye, the new circumstances were all that she had. Soon enough, the “new” turned into “familiar”. And “familiar” gave the impression that even newer circumstances could be managed, so the problems that initially stacked themselves over the shoulders of the kid teacher, started to become everyone’s affairs. And problems lead to even more problems… they procreate like rabid bunnies, after all. Soon enough, Chisame had a whole bunch of problems derivate from her involvement with the magic world. And as if she wasn’t almost overloaded, the teacher gave her a special extra burden too heavy to be carried… and she wasn’t up to this kind of endgame, so a little personal space was required. The message was received and comprehended as far as she knew, so they all allowed her to be in the backstage, as a valuable asset. An asset with physical boundaries. Again: she didn’t mind the occasional meet-up, even if it was with the presence of her former teacher, but everything needed some preparation, she guessed, some psychological warm-up for her to put up her defenses and not be overwhelmed by the random acts of that old gang - and that was why she pretended not to see Kakizaki the last time she went to the mall.  
  
Still lying on her side, Chisame thought that the card still deserved a better treatment than that, despite the fact that it probably ended under the bed after some tantrum Chisame threw just because this kind of rationalization and memories about the times in which she was closest to the Ala Alba people. Her eyes were fixated in the card as a whole, her expression in a state between the pensiveness and the emptiness. It was not painful to think about the past, but it was kind of a drag. Despite her constant work as an advisor, she knew that the Ala Alba people expected something more from her, something that they thought only she could ever provide. Twisting her mouth to the left while she realized it, Chisame was about to get up to search for a book in which conceal the card when someone knocked on the door. Startled again, Chisame put the card in the sweatpants pocket and slowly got close to the door. Through the door viewer, she saw the always well-mannered smile of Yukihiro Ayaka. The smile of infinite politeness that Yukihiro only used when she meant business. Foreshadowing an unrequired and hard conversation, Chisame started to feel self-conscious all over again, but opened the door anyway, while her tongue slid on the teeth she now regretted not having brushed in a couple of days.  
  
“Hasegawa! It is so good to see you!” – The cheerful voice of Yukihiro tickled Chisame’s brain that was still in the process to figure out how to handle the whole situation – “I’m sorry I’m early like this”.  
  
“Early…?” – Chisame’s confusion was printed all over her face, and the fact that she was trying to hide it made everything even more embarrassing. She was starting to feel REALLY self-conscious and the card inside her pocket felt like it weighed a ton – “Oh, no. Sorry… I’m sorry. I’ve totally forgotten you would show up”.  
  
“Is it a bad time?” – even her smile was kind of blonde, like her flawless hair. Everything in Yukihiro Ayaka was flawless and it had always bothered Chisame, to some extent. In her mind, Yukihiro was the perfect opposite of herself: while Chisame was prone to tread really close to obsessions and forget about the world around her, Yukihiro had everything figured out and under control. Her schedules and obligations and looks – don’t get Chisame started on Yukihiro’s looks – were always perfectly balanced in a fashion that would never conflict with anything else at any giving moment. Do you think Yukihiro would be on her own, wearing sweatpants in a sunny afternoon while chewing on a raw bone that was her past? Hah, you got another think coming! That girl was a whole new level.  
  
“No, of course not. Please, come inside” – she closed the door behind them and hurried to open the curtains. The mild sunlight bathed the room and even though it was already mitigating, Chisame felt her eyes hurt. She got the glasses over the bed and adjusted them on her face – “I would show you around the place, but it is pretty much it, you know. Sorry about the mess, too”.  
  
“Please, don’t say things like that. It’s cozy and you always seemed to me like a person that didn’t need spacious places to feel at home. It’s good to see you, Hasegawa” – she repeated, the smile displayed as always.  
  
“Eh, thanks class r… I mean, Yukihiro. It’s nice to see you too. But I’m really sorry for having forgotten about your visit. I was running some data and I guess I got carried on. Please, have a seat… on the bed, I guess. This place surely is crammed”.  
  
Yukihiro sat softly on the bed and waited for Chisame to be comfortable as well. She pulled a chair from the workstation and sat in front of her former class representative – another thing from a distant past.  
  
“Sorry again” – said Chisame – “Can I offer you something? I mean… it is not like I got that much stuff around, but I can microwave some yesterday eggrolls if you want” – she was smirking. It was still a familiar reflex to Chisame.  
  
“Now you’re looking like yourself, Hasegawa” – Yukihiro giggled – “I don’t suppose you have tea around, do you?”  
  
“Tea? Do I look like a ten-years-old british teacher to you?” – the smirk fixated on her face. Comfortable, recognizable. Yukihiro giggle turned into a full laughter – “Sorry, I’m kinda of a coffee person now”.  
  
“Good thing I brought some tea for you, as a gift, then” – Yukihiro showed a little red bag, with a fancy brand that Chisame didn’t know about.  
  
“Oh… you brought me tea?”  
  
“I’m always bearing gifts, Hasegawa” – this time it was Yukihiro who was smirking. Chisame thought that it was on character for Yukihiro, as much as the good manners and the flawless everything.  
  
“Thank you, then. Sorry for being a shitty host, but you’ll have to teach me how to brew this. Care to join me in the kitchen?”  
  
While the water was boiling, Yukihiro showed Chisame how to properly stir the water and how to store the leaves in a way it wouldn’t get mold. They were still stirring their cups – of course Yukihiro bought Chisame a new pair of cups, because OF COURSE she knew that Chisame would only have mugs in her house – when the conversation took the turn Chisame was dreading all along.  
  
“You see, Hasegawa… some people in the ISSDA thought you would not receive me today” – she sipped from the cup and blinked at Chisame, as to say that the tea was ready.  
  
“Is that so? So that’s why Chachamaru is trying to hack into my network for the past four hours?” – Chisame pointed the screens with her head as they were displaying a bunch of moving codes and commands Yukihiro did not understand.  
  
“Sorry… I guess old habits die hard, even for her”.  
  
“Nah… let the girl have her fun” – Chisame was smirking again – “Being a secretary must be an “all work, no play” situation, anyway”.  
  
“Yes, I guess it is” – Yukihiro responded with her smile, as the two walked their way back to the main room. Chisame sat on her chair and Yukihiro got back to the exact same spot of the bed she was before. It was kind of on character, too. Chisame thought that, indeed, old habits die hard – “But, anyway, you did received me. I’m glad”.  
  
“Yeah, sure. You’re very welcome” – Yukihiro had a way to make people embarrassed, Chisame thought – “Is everyone doing okay back in the ISSDA?”  
  
“In matter of fact, yes. You know… the project is really big and complex, so everyone is doing their best”.  
  
“And you guys got around any other evil and crazy wizard that tried to commit genocide?” – this time, smirking came along with a pair of playful eyebrows. Yukihiro maintained her smile, as she knew what Chisame was trying to do.  
  
“Oh, no, thank goodness no. I guess we all had our fair share of deadly battles already. We’re all focused on the Project Blue Mars, now. And, you know, if any evil wizard appeared, we would call you right away” – Yukihiro finished her cup and got up to fetch some more tea. Chisame watched her walking and got no clues from it. She was playing the most unnerving match of poker ever.  
  
“Yeah, right… like I would be of any help in a case like that” – Chisame laughed and finished her cup as well. That tea had a funny taste, somehow sweet and sour at the same time. It was pretty good, but she still liked her coffee better.  
  
“Nobody would ask you to fight, of course. You could do so much more than that. And, you know… that fighting stuff is kinda of Negi-sensei trademark” – and there you have it! His name finally made the spotlight and there was no turning back.  
  
“Great, Yukihiro… we were doing so well, you know? Our conversation was almost passable enough for the Bechdel test and now you ruined it forever” – Chisame laughed some more and waved her right hand as to say that Yukihiro should ignore her last remarks. She was joking around, of course, not trying to avoid certain subjects.  
  
“It’s difficult to talk about the Project without mentioning him, I guess” – Yukihiro seemed amused and Chisame realized that she had fell for that. Mentioning Negi was a move to call Chisame’s bluff out. And she fucking fell for it and, to make things worse, she was now blushing.  
  
“Okay, whatever… I’ll play along. How is he doing?” – the smirk was gone and Chisame felt she could not fake one. Maybe all the time as a recluse made her a little rusty. Figures.  
  
“Well… Negi-sensei was always an inspirations to us all, right?” – Yukihiro’s tone changed a bit, she was on the attack now. ‘Us all’… damn that girl – “Since the rescue of his father, he seems relieved, you know? But that was just part of the dream, right? Now he’s working really hard on the Project. I guess one could say that he is doing great, but he’s some sort of workaholic now”  
  
“Always have been…” – Chisame turned and looked at one of the screens.  
  
“Is Karakuri giving you too much trouble, Hasegawa? I can call ISSDA and ask her to stop”.  
  
“Oh, no. The computer that is fooling around with her is that one” – Chisame pointed to the screen on the far left – “I’m just checking if the data I’ve promised you guys is still being collected. Sorry about that”.  
  
“No problem, I don’t mind” – Yukihiro smiled again – “But wouldn’t it be less of a hassle if you used your artifact?”  
  
“No… it would be boring, to be honest” – Chisame faced Yukihiro again – “we are just playing dumb, no need to bring out the big guns”.  
  
The two girls stared at each other silent for a while. Chisame thought it was funny that even with another person in the apartment, it could be silent enough for her to hear the humming from the computers. Yukihiro had her serious face on, but didn’t seem angry or annoyed. She was on the verge to saying something, it was clear enough, but delaying it sounded ominous to Chisame. Bringing up her artifact was a heavy blow.  
  
“You haven’t used much of your artifact, right?” – Yukihiro broke the silence and finished her second cup of tea. As Chisame was about to respond, she got up again, went to the kitchen for what Chisame supposed was yet another cup but, as she was taking some time to get back, Chisame followed her and found Yukihiro doing the dishes of a whole week.  
  
“Hey… what are you doing? Leave this… I’ll deal with it later on”.  
  
“You were taking your time to form a proper witty response to my question, so I thought it would be nice to do something while I wait” – she laughed – “No, but really… it’s kinda of my OCD talking, but I really can’t stand dishes lying around. We can continue while I do this”.  
  
“Ok… seeing you in the command of my kitchen broke all the witty sass I had left” – Chisame sighed – “I haven’t used the Pactio Card ever since the time we met with Ala Rubra. I just didn’t feel the need anymore. I’m being honest”.  
  
“But you could do so much more with it” – Yukihiro’s hands seemed to barely touch the dishes at all, as she rinsed it and applied soap with the sink brush – “Don’t get me wrong, ok? You’ve always done a magnificent job for the Project, but sometimes I worry that you are depriving yourself of the really good part of being involved with magic and, you know, with him…”  
  
“Oh, goddamnit, Yukihiro. I just don’t want you guys meddling in everything I do, ok? There’s no deeper meaning, there’s no secret… I just wanted my normal life back. I don’t have anything against the Project or you or Negi. I just want to live my life without having to look over my shoulder all the time”.  
  
“Ok, I’ll consider this as a proper response. Honest, even. But I just don’t think that’s the whole truth” – Yukihiro saw Chisame’s face contorting in preparation to spout an answer, but didn’t give her the time to speak – “You see… I don’t think that even you know the whole truth, so I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just saying that we miss you, Hasegawa… we want you around more often”.  
  
“I miss you guys, too… I mean, sometimes I do” – she tried the smirk again and failed – “I just don’t miss all the bickering and games and looks, okay? I needed the time to myself and to try and get my normalcy back. There’s nothing more to it. I wanted to go to college, to have a routine back… but I’ve always answered all of you when I was needed, right? Or when my advices were needed…”  
  
“But we would never ask you to abandon all of your life. I get the gist of your complaint, Hasegawa, but your boundaries were respected by everyone… and even more by Negi-sensei. You do realize that he could talk to you any time he wanted, right? Well, he could even summon you! That’s what the cards are for, anyway… but in the last couple of years, all communications with you were through Karakuri. All I’m saying is that he misses you, too”.  
  
“I know. I’ll take it into consideration” – an evasive answer was a tactic that Chisame would use only in case of extreme need. All that chat with Yukihiro Ayaka had gone way too far. Even if Yukihiro had always been some sort of person you would look for help or guidance, Chisame wasn’t in the mood. Getting into all this “feelings talk” was not what she expected for her day, specially the day in which she found the damn Pactio Card under her bed. And, furthermore, Negi missed her? The damn brat had some nerve in sending Yukihiro as the messenger to something he should say himself.  
  
Yukihiro was almost done with the dishes. Chisame watched her hands work the foam and the water and appreciated that small moment of quiet. She undone her hair and put it back again in a ponytail and the movement with her head made her notice a thin scratch in the right lens of her glasses. Just great. She took it off, inspected it closely and thought it was not the worst thing that had happened that day. Meanwhile, Yukihiro finished the dishes and dried her hands. She looked at the clean sink with a face of sheer satisfaction. They went back to the room, but this time Yukihiro sat in the chair. “So you can see the screens while we talk”, she explained.  
  
“Well… enough with Ala Alba, ok?” – Yukihiro stated – “What about you? Are you doing okay here, Hasegawa? Is there anything WE can do for you?”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’m doing fine” – another evasive response. She noticed that Yukihiro noticed. But, in truth, she was doing somewhat fine. There was occasions in which she would depress herself to death obsessing about her looks and then spend an ungodly amount of money in clothes and accessories and cosmetics – and, sometimes, cosplays – that were heavily regretted as soon as they were delivered at her doorstep. But, on other hand, she was focused on her work and being genuinely productive in a way that made her feel good enough to even risk going outside and getting doctor appointments or simply having a nice stroll somewhere nearby.  
  
“That’s great to hear. This is coming all from me, ok? I just get a little worried sometimes… all the members of the Project are kinda under my protection in that sense. But you’re the only one that won’t accept even a peanut coming from us”.  
  
“The Project is a common interest, Yukihiro. Think about it this way: I work for you, but send the bill to my other clients. They are loaded, too” – Yukihiro laughed again. That was an honest answer and it worked way better than the others – “And, hey! I’ve just accepted your weird tea, which seems like way more than peanuts!”  
  
“Yeah, right… just don’t overcharge them, ok? We can make both ends meet. Anyway, I’m not asking about money, ok? I’m really interested in you. And by only interacting with us from afar, we feel like we aren’t really able to help you in case of need” – damn, that Yukihiro didn’t beat around the bush for long, did she? A few years ago, during her college time, Chisame got involved with a classmate, which turned out to be kind of an asshole. But that wasn’t the worst part: after seeking advice from Kagurazaka Asuna, the whole thing was blown out of proportion as soon as the old gang found out that she was dating someone. Negi himself didn’t reached for Chisame at the time, but she knew from other sources that her former teacher was somehow upset by the news. Clogging the leak of news about her life became a priority after that. She was already keeping a safe distance from her card, but there was Karakuri Chachamaru to worry about. Chisame knew that everyone meant well in their own ways, but Chachamaru kept breaking her security protocols and making her format hard drives and even fry processors. In order to have a little bit of privacy, Chisame protected her network with every VPN she knew and kept a rigorous routine of hacking neighbors’ wireless networks, so she wouldn’t have to use her own. Of course, that was an innocuous move when it comes to Chachamaru’s abilities, but at least was a way to say “trespassers will be shot”, or something like that.  
  
“You’re talking about that time, a few years ago?” – Chisame chose to face the issue right on.  
  
“Yeah, we got a little worried. I mean… in the end, Asuna said that you were not in danger and all, but we couldn’t help to worry about you. And after that you got even more… reserved, I guess”.  
  
“Yeah, it was not like that guy was abusive or stuff like that. He just wasn’t… a nice person, I guess. Anyway, I just didn’t want that some Ala Alba member showed up and punched the guy into oblivion, you know. Even if people know about magic now, they’re still normal people”.  
  
“You’re right. And, anyway, you dealt with everything in the right way, as far as I know. But can I ask what happened?” – and there was that smile again. Honest answers were working better, right? So be it.  
  
“Asakura’s book happened. She mentioned me by name in it. Mentioned all of us. That moron read about us and freaked out. Can’t really blame him, right?”  
  
“Guess not. But that book helped us in a lot of ways, too. I’m sorry it caused you problems”.  
  
“It’s in the past” – Chisame looked at the far left screen. Chachamaru got tired of playing. The book had been a nuisance, for a while. Some people had already recognized Chisame before Asakura released her five-hundred-pages-exposé. But right after the books hit the shelves, people started to point Chisame at the college halls. And when her almost-boyfriend at the time found out that Chisame not only knew about magic all along but had been a major piece in the grand scheme, well… he felt betrayed, somehow. Anyway, pointed fingers and jealous almost-boyfriends were a kind of attention that Chisame didn’t really want at that time, so she looked for some advice and ended up attracting even more negative attention! Everything was a chain reaction with those people! She told something to Kagurazaka who, maybe, told Sakurazaki that told Konoe that told… god damn it! When the chain passed by her again, the damage was done big time. Not only every single girl knew about that, but he knew as well. It wasn’t supposed to be that way and, the most ridiculous part, she didn’t even do anything wrong! So she found a boy that, at the time, seemed cool enough to hang around with… so fucking what? She owed nothing to anyone. It was her normal life, a life she cherished. Chisame took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. Thinking about the past was surely tiresome. Yukihiro seemed a little tired herself as well. Maybe it was because she had spent all that time sitting on the bed without anything to lean on, just as Chisame was doing right now. She let herself fall against the mattress and faced the ceiling – “Hey, Yukihiro… did he get angry at me that time?”  
  
“Who? Negi-sensei? As if he could get angry with any of us” – her voice was a little lower than before – “No, he knew that something like that was bound to happen, I guess”  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset him” – she didn’t mean to be all that honest right now, but now that the honesty doors were wide open there wasn’t much helping about it – “I was just moving my life on, you know. We were all but kids back then… he didn’t knew what he was saying that time”  
  
“You can’t say that for sure. I mean… I guess you did right back then and I would never blame you for anything you did from there on out. But the present is a different issue, Hasegawa. You can’t just state what the feelings of another person are”  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset him…” – Chisame’s voice faded gradually. Her throat felt like it had swollen to twice its size.  
  
“He’s alright, Hasegawa. He just miss you, that’s all”  
  
“He was just a child back then… damn, I was a child as well…”  
  
“Sure thing. But now things are different, aren’t they? You’re not children anymore. We’re all in peacetime right now. If you ask me, I think that is in times like these that one really needs loved ones around”.  
  
Chisame bit the nail of her left thumb and faced the ceiling like it was a staring contest. Damn that Yukihiro girl and her sorcery that makes people run their mouths. She should have been stronger and kept her pie hole shut. The both of them were silent for some minutes, as the sunny day was coming to his end to give way to a warm evening.  
  
“I can’t just go back like this…” – the white ceiling had its kind of sorcery to make people run their mouths, as well.  
  
“You know you can… denying one’s feelings is not healthy, Hasegawa” – the sass embedded in Yukihiro’s voice made Chisame sat up at once.  
  
“So I can’t talk about what his feelings are, but you can talk about mine? Damn, Yukihiro…”  
  
“I’m just kidding. The mood was getting a little too heavy”.  
  
“Yeah, right. But, since we are in the denied feelings department… couldn’t you be accused of the same? Or Miyazaki? Or Ayase? Or Sasaki? Goddamnit, that’s a lot of girls! Anyway… why do I have to take some action and you guys don’t?”  
  
“Because you were right about something: we were all but children back then. I haven’t heard much from Miyazaki, Ayase and Sasaki but they all moved along with their lives. Same goes for me. The only ones hooked on the same old feelings are the two of you. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t came all the way here to convince you to do anything you don’t want. Nobody asked me to. I’m just checking on a friend. It’s not like I’m trying to hack you in person while Karakuri wreaks havoc on your machines”.  
  
“Damn you, Yukihiro…” – Chisame fell on her back again. The lump on her throat was the size of an apple now and her eyes got all watery, so she shut them and took long breaths. She kept thinking to not rub her eyes or the situation could get worse, but it was to no avail. Soon enough, she pushed the glasses to her forehead and felt hot tears in the back of her hands as she tried to assess the damage.  
  
“Guess I’ve imposed myself enough, Hasegawa. I’ll be taking my leave now” – Yukihiro was standing as the last rays of sunlight invaded the room and touched her long skirt. Chisame got up and nodded, wishing that her face was not a total wreck. She walked Yukihiro to the door and her former class representative hugged her tightly.  
  
“Take your time and think, okay? The Project and all of us would love having you around more often. And he kinda needs you, you know” – Yukihiro sticked out the tip of her tongue and smiled widely. She then walked away without looking behind.  
  
That night, Chisame took a shower, put on the same clothes she was wearing during Yukihiro’s visit and laid in bed, facing the ceiling one more time. She had turned off all the screens for she wanted the room to be completely dark. She had tried to sleep, but managed only to roll in bed, with her brain working at full power. The more she thought about the afternoon and Yukihiro’s words, the more she felt like that apartment in which she had put so much effort into was, in some twisted way, trying to kill her. The routine, the normalcy, the food delivered in the middle of the night. Everything that she held dear from the even older days was now erasing her and making her crave for the new paradigms of normalcy. The new normalcy, the one she had helped to build. Everything that she thought that made her real was grappling her by the neck and causing the lump in the throat and the tears that shut eyes could never refrain.  
  
It was almost morning when she sticked her hand inside her pocket and produced the Pactio Card out. It was so light, right now. It felt so natural right now. In almost total darkness, she couldn’t really see the image of the fourteen-years-old herself or read her own name printed in it. She ran her fingers on the surface of the card and closed her eyes tight.  
  
Honesty had made her go through that afternoon, right?  
  
Right?  
  
But honesty could only bring her so far. Magic was needed from here on out and once she heard someone say, like a mantra, that real magic was a little bit of courage.  
  
She touched the tip of the card on her forehead and pictured him with all her might.  
  
“Hey, you brat… can you hear me?”  
  
Chisame tried to swallow, but the lump was too strong. The tears were too heavy. As she let them slide her face, she asked again:  
  
“Can we talk?”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, you see... the end of Mahou Sensei Negima left Chisame at an awkward position, in my opinion. Even if it kinda suits her personality, the idea of becoming a recluse felt like some sort of regression to me. Then, UQ Holder chapters 138-140 changed everything and got me thinking about what was Chisame's life while on this reclusion. Was she really happy? Was she still in contact with Negi or Chachamaru or Asuna? This fic was born to fill what I think are really interesting blanks.
> 
> It is my first ever fanfic, though, and the first time I write in English, which is not my first language. I'm sorry in advance in case someone finds grammar errors or stuff like that.
> 
> Thanks in advance to anyone that came around to read my first fic.


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